Daisies

6th December 2009

Text with 2 notes

Yesterday Night Was Quite Memorable

26th November 2009

Text with 9 notes

I'm Thankful For You, Fletcher Vines.

So the other day, i was in Wal Mart with my grandma waiting for my mother to pull up so we can leave. And i saw this old lady, bald and on chemo with her granddaughter.

But she had the brightest blue eyes i’ve ever seen.

And she made me happy, sad, and scared all at once, just by looking at me.

At first, i was scared. More like shocked. I thought that was my future. My hair’s falling out, and no one knows when my chemo will have to end.

Then i was sad. I was sad for two people: Fletcher and me.  More for Fletcher. She reminded me of him. The bald head, the happy eyes, the big smile. So carefree, so grateful. Fletcher’s dead. And you wanna hear something? I had an entire year of French with his brother right after he died, and i couldn’t even talk to him cause i thought i’d start crying. Fletcher was my friend. We weren’t best friends and we never saw each other outside of clinic, but he was a friend when and where i needed one the most. He was sweet, caring, funny, everything great about a person…and he made a mean salad. Then i was sad for myself. I was sad because i thought the first run on chemo was enough. I was sad because i was so happy the icky pill was gone. That i wouldn’t feel like shit every day any more. I was happy because i was only 11 and the world seemed so bright when i got that news. And it came back. The doctors told me i may be on chemo forever. And i was sad that i would wind up living around a pill that just makes me sick every night.

Finally, i was happy. I was happy because i realized how lucky i am. I thought of how happy that lady looked, even though she looked exhausted and had no hair and had to go through hellish medication. I was happy because of that lady’s smile. I was happy because she reminded me that we should all smile; that we all have something to be immensely thankful for.

It’s funny how 5 seconds can affect you so much.

19th November 2009

Text with 4 notes

I Want To Change Something. Suggestions?

14th November 2009

Text with 2 notes

Walk On Water Or Drown

I hate being nice to people because everyone walks all over you in the end.

I hate being a bitch because then i feel alone.

But what else is there? It seems people are either megabitchy or really sweet. But no one’s really sweet or a total bitch. It’s all fake. We’re all selfish, only looking out for ourselves.

Are we to choose between being all alone or being walked all over? Is that all there really is to it? Just pick your poison? Because that’s all it feels like lately.

We walk all over and betray those who are kind. We hate and mock people who act superior. It’s all there is. No one can get out, and no one can be real because nothing’s real. What’s real is fake and what’s fake has consumed our reality.